Yup I am still alive, though it feels barely so at the moment.. Last couple of days I’ve been a complete zombie.. I don’t know why exactly. I know I was missing a lot of sleep, but not that much! I should be more careful with health related stuff. Been asleep on and off all day/night.. Often too tired to do anything, but unable to sleep.. have had achey joint and back pain, and have spent nuff time lying about feeling like there’s some heavy thing sitting on my chest..

I have to go sign a form at the LEA, but haven’t been able to because I have to look after Owen.. Doh.. I don’t see how I could’ve not signed part of it, given that I went through it, and then the guy who works there went through it with me and OK’d everything.. Sheesh. Oh well, will have to do that on Monday. Stupid places that aren’t open at the weekend.

It’s the last Star tonight. If I go, I risk mussing myself up more, so really probably shouldn’t go.. Chances are though people I could invite to my party tomorrow will either be there or at the Dry Dock.. No.. I really shouldn’t go anyway..

Have been outside more recently. Being awake in 1-2hr shifts means the entire time I feel like I’ve just got up. (probably because I have!) So I’ve been doing crazy martial-art style slow-mo waving around, which works to get rid of some of it. Tried meditating a couple of nights ago in the garden, have been doing a lot of deep thought (deep by my standards at least). I’m getting more sure of what I don’t want in my life, but am scarily unsure of what I do want. Yeah, am very lonely when I actually give myself time to think. The world is a truly beautiful place though, it’s just a question of perception. That doesn’t help much does it. 🙂

There are a couple of other things I’ll write about soon. The web stuff I’m working on is going well. Energy levels, and level of pain and lethargy are really grinding on. I gotta wait until september before I get another preliminary hospital appointment, probably another month after that before they get any decent tests done. Seems likely my serious long term treatment will start again just in time for college. In a sense that’s a reassurance, in others its a terrible thought. A double sided sword. Could make things difficult anyway.. Not that frequent pain wouldn’t either.. I moan far too much, sorry..

Back to work with me.. tekkare.