Hello again. I’ve not been doing all that much recently. Well, I’ve been working on website, as ever.. But other than that, things are a bit odd.

I’m not well at all, and haven’t been for weeks.. It’s likely to be two months at least before they do proper tests. Then another few weeks until treatment starts. The treatment is likely to be steroids. Likely to be quite a lot of steroids.. It can take a month or so for my body to adjust to having them. They mess with my head and can make me somewhat emotionally unstable. More emotionally unstable, anyway. Not happy about starting college in those conditions.

It does mean you’re likely to see a lot more of me in here anyway. Again I’ve been spreading myself too thin in terms of working on things.. So much to do, and taking on more and more all the time. A bit stupid of me. What’s the point of ideas if you dont do something with them? What’s the point of doing something with them if you arent going to do it well? Why can’t I manage my time better? Actually I’m not that bad I just need more patience.. I get a bit annoyed about having loads of things to do b4 I can continue IOT.. I start them on purpose.. It’s my own fault, but the story’s still more important to me..

A little about Mixel.. Me, him.. ideally I need to stop being so wishy washy.. this has been a year out basically, not a fun one.. One in which my confidence has increased a lot in some ways and decreased massively in others. In terms of identity I’m ok now, and yes, I am content with myself, but its a bit silly that while I’ve been getting better, socially I’ve been getting worse. My main recent attempt at making new friends shouldnt of happened at all and had bad consequences. Many of the rl friends I’ve known are moving away. People do like Mixel, but he hasn’t got the balls to get anything done, do new things, or approach people.. Anyway. Again, in myself, I’m ok, but thats not all.. I feel increasingly like there’s supposed to be someone else in my life. I will always be the type to only let one person know me really well.. Events of a year ago knocked me completely off track, and rather than help myself out of it I punished myself over it for months afterward, in almost everything I did.. College, when it comes, will be my saviour.. But I dont care about that as much as I do being alone. That’s obviously just how I work.

Just waiting I suppose, but well aware I’m going to have to take the reins at some point rather than drifting and being trampled on, my current speciality.